Anti social

Ugh - what is it exactly that makes me feel on occasion as though I am the most anti social person I know.

I have got a big ball of 'leave me alone' going on in my stomach today. I think I'm tired of the routine, I want to be excited and to be doing, seeing, or hearing things that make me say 'wow.. I'm glad I decided to do this'.

Routine. It's a nice thing, but not an exciting thing. Perhaps I have the same complaint as billions of other people that need to turn up to work every day, every week, every year.

The summer time is over here, and I spent all of it in Iceland. It was a good summer, and spent with my loved one, but one of my goals for coming up to this part of the world in the first place was to be able to get out and about, to go and see new places and meet new people, to have fun. With winter obviously approaching, and with the wind starting to bite my cheeks and stiffen my fingers every morning, I'm feeling more trapped and with little prospect of being able to get away.

I don't mean to be rude when I'm anti social, but perhaps I come across that way - very quiet, not joking around (when expected.. should 'joking around' be something other people expect you to go along with anyway?), enclosing my ears in some mercifully 'privatising' headphones and delving into some reading.

I know myself when I'm like this. I just want to be walking free in some new city or countryside, feeling uncertain and being happy about it - not knowing which store I might pop into or which person I will talk to next, or where I'm going to have lunch.

I don't want my entire life to be like this - some extreme of freedom, nor an extreme of routine. I want a healthy mix.

Is it just that I haven't had a holiday in so long? I really hope so..